Pale Blue Eyes =)

Sometimes I feel so happy,
Sometimes I feel so sad.
Sometimes I feel so happy,
But mostly you just make me mad.
Baby, you just make me mad.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

Thought of you as my mountain top,
Thought of you as my peak.
Thought of you as everything,
I've had but couldn't keep.
I've had but couldn't keep.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see,
I'd put you in the mirror,
I put in front of me.
I put in front of me.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

Skip a life completely.
Stuff it in a cup.
She said, Money is like us in time,
It lies, but can't stand up.
Down for you is up."
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

It was good what we did yesterday.
And I'd do it once again.
The fact that you are married,
Only proves, you're my best friend.
But it's truly, truly a sin.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.



I find the lyrics a tad sad and touching but hauntingly beautiful. I think there's actually a story behind this song. Seems like he's in love with someone whose attached. Perhaps, even indulged in a short term relationship with her but it has to end soon. None the less, still love the song =)

The right way

Thinkin back to the time when I was so into you
I thought that I knew it all
my perception of love
well it was something to do
but I didn't expect the thought
I understand your feelings of doubt
I know I must have let you down
but I wonder would you be around
if I loved you the right way
Loved you the right way
I would have put that smile upon your face
Loved you the right way
Never thought that I'd thank you for the hurt and the pain
and the changes you put me through
I guess I needed to look at my intentions again
I didn't give enough to you
My mind has never been so clear
and I feel my happiness is near
But I wonder if you'd still be here if I loved you the right way
coz you deserve the right way
I should have put that smile upon your face
I should have kept you in my warm embrace
Loved you the right way
Sometimes love is so mistaken
simple values put aside
Mind love is just a ride
When it's over no one seems to care
If i ever find myself with someone new
I'll remember what I learned from you
Yeah
and I will love her the right way
love her the right way
I will put that smile on her face
I will keep her warm in my embrace
I will love her baby
make each day a better day
never gonna sacrifice a mean
I will love her the right way
I'm gonna love her baby
I'm gonna love her baby



Opss.. the video clip is so... hehe. but don't focus on that ya. just listen to the song ;)

When will I see your face again..

Here I Am, Everyday,
Since You Said, You'd Come Again,
But It's Not Fair, Cos You're Not Here,
I Wait In Vain, But Nothing Has Chaaanged,

I'm A Flower, Soaking In The Rain,
If I Could Wish One Thing, I'd Hear You Call My Name,

So When Will I See Your Face Again,
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ohh yeah),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ha),
I Think I Love Youuu...Will I See Your Face Again,

Little Thing, Like The Rain Coming,
She Looked At Me A Certain Kind Of Way,
Tell Me Girl, Where Are You Nowww,
'Cos I Don't Know How Much Longer I can Waaait,

I'm A Dreamer, Waiting For The Sun,
When You're Coming In, I know My Life's Begun,
Tell Me Girl...


When Will I See Your Face Again (ohh yeaaah),
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ummm um),
When Will I Breathe You In Again,
I Think I Love Youuu, Will I See Your Face Again,

You Know That All My Life I've Been Waaaiting,
Waiting For Sooome, Someone Like You To Love Me,
You Can't Come By Like An Angel, Into My Life,
And then Fly Awaaaay, Flyyyyyy Away,

Oh Honey, Cos I, Uh Baby, Ba Ba Doo Yeah, Ohh ohhhh,
Sing, I've Only Seen Youuu, Oh, I Said, Uh huh, I Said I Said, Yeah (woo)


When Will I See Your Face Again (I Wanna See You Once In My Life),
When Will You Touch My Life Again, (Wanna See You Twice In My Life),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ohhh),
I Think I Love Youuu, Will I See Your Face Again,

I said, see Bap pa da doo ba ba (ohhh),
Bap Ba Doo Yeah, That's What We Do Yeaahhh (ohh),
When Will iii See Your Face Again My Friend,
Oh Yeah, I Think You Gotta Let Me Know Yeah,
Ohh Yeahhh...

Jamie Scott & The Town - When Will I See Your Face Again

Wow, the girl is so pretty. I love her skin and sense of dressing. Really chic =)

As said before, I will be sharing my ups and downs. But now looking back, it seems like there are more downs than ups. Or was it I was too lazy to share any ups. At this moment now, the only word to describe my feelings is helplessness. So much sadness and hurt. I feel so defeated. In earlier posts, I mentioned about needs without expectation. It seems like bullshit to me now. haha. I'm not superhuman. It's always so easy to say. But when you wanna put it to practice? Haha... that's when the problem comes. Very hard to accept the fact. So painful to embrace reality. One fall after another. Haha. Like it's cursed. Forever out of reach. So pathethic I guess. Can't get rid of the sudden hurt overnight. Dunno, just want to be a normal person tonight and cry.

I just got lost

"The bottom line, life is about learning, whether you're in school or not. We are humans. We make mistakes. But your lowest moment might also be the one where you begin to rise, and rise. So, double back. Regroup. Brush yourself off, and try again. "

=)

Dancing in the moonlight

Loving someone equals to suffering. Being loved equals to happiness. Is it true? Lol. That statement was stated to me few years back which didn’t knock any sense in me at that time. Our young lives, we all dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if there is someone out there searching for us just as how we are searching for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. Back to the statement, I think loving someone will only be suffering if it's an unrequited one. Haha. And depending on the level of expectations one holds. Being loved not necessarily can make one happy. Being loved by someone that will not make you reciprocate equals to helplessness. It only takes two to be happy.

To make it clear, though I might be in one of the two unfortunate situations, I will still not feel any suffering. Because being able to feel at least makes me alive and human. I still feel cherished no matter what. A very beautiful message I've read somewhere, "Love those in your life without expectations. Accept them as they are and take what they want to give without judgement."

Haha. =D

To plan or be planned... lol.

The very famous quote, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail". I suppose that would apply to our studies, works, and something technical. True enough, if we don't plan our timetable well or allocate proper time for serious works to be done, we are definitely asking for trouble. I'm someone who plans a lot and yet troubles still come running after me. This is because I always plan for the wrong reasons. Haha.

Last Saturday, I was at church camp in Lundu and in one of the sharing sessions, it was brought up that we don't have to do anything or plan anything. We just have to walk the paths planned by God. God has already planned a beautiful journey for each and everyone of us. Haha... at that time, hearing that made me doubt the truth in the statement. It made me wonder how I can walk this life blindly without any visions? Haha. But I think I'm beginning to see the truth in the statement now.

The above statement revealed by Aunty Mei Ling is from the religious point of view. But if we look at the non religious point of view, the message is actually the same. I'm sure most are aware of the book, "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. The 'secret' had actually been practised by many great world leaders long long time ago. Adolf Hitler was said to have used this concept as well. Haha. So, what is the 'secret'? In the book, it taught us how to get what we want from life. It's so simple and easy which involves only 3 simple steps.

The 1st step is to choose what we want from life. It is just like the analogy of picking an item from a catalogue or food from a menu. Haha. The 2nd step is to believe that we will receive what we chose in the 1st step. Finally, the 3rd step is receive. You only have to wait and receive what you chose. It is said the universe will works in way and will grant us what we want. We just have to be aligned with the universe.

Sounds easy right? But the catch is most people would already fail in the 2nd step. Once you fail this step, you cannot proceed to the 3rd step and this results in you not being able to achieve what you want from life. I know the believing part is not easy. Haha. It's human nature to doubt and hesitate. It sounds too simple that we asked ourselves, "Is this really going to work? Just by 3 steps and not doing anything, how the hell can our goals be achieved?" But miraciously, cancer patients not receiving any medical treatment actually recovered from their illness just by believing they are healthy and cancer-free. Okay, there are a few important pointers in each step.

The 1st step which is choosing, we only have to choose once. We don't have to keep thinking about it, keep wishing about, keep hoping about it. We only have to choose once and just leave it at there. The 2nd step, believe means BELIEVE. Haha. I don't know any pointer for this as me myself always fail at this step too. The 3rd step is just simple, just wait and it will come to us. Now, I am beginning to see the truth in the statement revealed during the sharing because we all come to this world having our respective goals and desires. Even if we don't reveal them, we've somehow unintentionally planted it out to the universe. Once, we've set our goals, we don't have to keep worrying or thinking or expect anything from them. We just carry on with our lives, do what is right, continue doing the right thing (align ourselves with the universe), the universe somehow will work in ways we can never imagine to grant us with what we want. We don't have to keep pondering when will the day come. Just let go, live life and enjoy the present. That is why Aunty Mei Ling said, "Don't keep planning. God has already planned a beautiful path for you. All you need to do is just walk the path. As simple as that." I guess the message is God knows our little desires and He has ways of granting them. We don't have to keep planning and expecting things to happen. It will happen somehow, just not how we imagined them to be.

Yes, at times, I plan too much. And expects them to happen according to plan. When expectations aren't met, disappointment comes. Haha. But the most risky of all is when we actually plan something that is not meant to be, we somehow neglect something already planned beautifully for us. Anyway, in a nutshell, Live life, enjoy the present. Always hope but do not expect. And may the "secret" helps in achieving what you want from life! =)
Psstt.. keep believing! Haha.

Must get back on track !

At times like these, I have to admit, I wish I'm at home with my family. I kept hearing people saying "even the most independent individual is homesick". I'm not exactly homesick. I just miss my home. How good it is being in the company of my family, going for dinner every weekend, being able to watch Astro and sleeping on my bed. Lol.

Block 1 made me aware of the pros being here. I'm definitely thankful for all the lovely company I have here. Being far from home is good as well in the sense that we establish a stronger relationship among ourselves. Since most of us are far from home, we somehow grew an affection towards one another, taking care of one another, celebrate events together and a whole lot other amazing things. Being able to experience such moments while in the midst of growing up and discovering ourselves is something very memorable. This is why I really enjoyed block 1. It was like a breath of fresh air to me.

But I'm not saying things are totally the opposite in block 2. It's just that reality really hit me. Given 5 years(hopefully no extensions) here and only 4 weeks of holidays per year, just made me realize I'm going to spend most of my time here without ever seeing my family and spending time with them, and the next thing I know, I would be graduating, working and straying from them already. Haha. I probably think too far. But, I have nothing to complain nor am I in any state of distress. I only just longed to be home, to be able to watch a Saturday night movie, to go for dinners and shopping every weekend, waking up on a Sunday morning in my own room. Those are the things I am yearning for.

Which is why I'm so determined to go through this exam and search through my new block 3 timetable for any free slots to go home on Fridays. Hehe. What's 400 bucks or 500 bucks? No amount of money can even buy such brief moment of eternity of being able to be at home. It's worth it. The Air Asia turbulence, the delay flights, the travel sickness, the packing, the unpacking, the money spent, the time spent... is all worth it.

Back to square one

It's 3.25 am in the morning and I still dunno why I can't sleep. Huhu. Thank God tomorrow is a Sunday. Ops... today already is Sunday officially. Hehe.

Hm, not everyday there will be sunshine. Throughout the 20 years of my life, I realized I spent too much time worrying, having severe insecurities, days of low confidence, fear, etc etc. They are really miserable. Hm, I am really tired of feeling miserable. Maybe is why I find myself unable to sleep tonight. Haha.

Firstly, I am whole, able to see, hear, feel, taste, and speak. I am healthy and in one piece. I have a loving family and great friends, in medical school, JPA money flowing in, caring buddy line. I have God, I have cell group, what more can I ask?

Life is too short to worry unnecessarily. I've come to realize the core of my past dissatisfactions. I am sure everyone has their own expectations in life. Everyone reacts differently when the expectations weren't met. So if we ask ourselves, how will we cope if our expectations aren't met? The answer is, happiness is a choice. It's not a destination. It's about living in the present, appreciating the present moment. So what if we don't get what we want, So what if we are rejected, turned down, and looked like a fool? It doesn't matter. We are still breathing. In a nutshell, even if our expectations aren't met, we still need to see the positive side of things. Life goes on. A famous quote, "when one door of happiness closes, another opens" A simple key, Contribute without expecting. =)

One thing I really learn and ought to practise, do not take ourselves too seriously. Learn to laugh at one's mistakes. It's okay to be silly or a fool. Happiness is not what we are given the most, is what we make the most by what we are given. Again, life is too short. Worry less and be positive. A simple secret to be happy, just be happy. hehe.

So, now what I choose from life? Happiness, Joy, Laughter, Fun and Spontaneity. I choose a happy fruitful and meaningful life. Stay happy everyone. Cheers~ =)

Regrets of the dying

My dad will always share meaningful and inspiring emails with me. Few days back, while checking my mail, I found a really good one. So, I am going to share here as well. =)

The 1st regret: I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


Yup, this is very true. Sometimes, we tend to live up to the expections that others set for us without knowing if that is what really makes us happy. I admit I am one of them. Haha. Hesitations will always be there. But come to think of it, we only have one life, therefore, in years to come, we'll most likely regret the things we didn't do than the silly stupid mistakes we made.

2nd regret: I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


In a nutshell, is ok to slack. hehe.

3rd regret: I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


Hmm, So, to hell with other's feelings =p. No, just kidding. In a way, supressed feelings will only kill us. Most of the time, telling the truth and how you really feel is the way to solve the problem.

4th regret: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


True true. Never neglect or forget old relationships.

5th regret: I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


I second this. Honestly, I think most people had their own insecurities and days of low confidence. =(. We just kept wondering why we aren't good enough. Haiz. If only we are content, we will just be happy. But is only human nature to want more and the things our heart desire though they are not possible at times. So, one of the best ways is to stay true to ourselves, be ourselves and contribute without expecting. That will definitely help =)

"One day your life will flash before your eyes and make sure its worth watching"

Daisy

I still remember watching this movie right after my SPM. At that time, Malaysia is really lucky to have veoh but up until 2008, it was banned. =( I've always been a fan of Jeon Ji Hyun. So, browsing through all the Korean movies, this one caught my eye. And also the fact that Jeon Ji Hyun is the main actress. =) This is not the typical sad love movie. It is very beautifully portrayed by the famous Hong Kong movie director, Andrew Lau Wai Keung. Actually, there are 2 versions. One of them is the Hong Kong version and the other is the international version. I watched the international cut and I've read from some forums that the 2 versions vary considerably but the international cut is much more preferred by many. =)

The theme is love. But... not really. It is about the love triangle between a cop, an assassin and a street painter. Both the cop and assasin fell for the same girl. But somehow, fate has a way of twisting their lives. Daisy first tells the story of how the assasin met the girl and fallen in love with her. Everyday at 4.15 pm, the girl will receive a pot of daisies at her doorstep. But he wouldn't show himself to her. She somehow grew an affection towards her admirer and longed to know who he really is.
"Who is this person who sends me flowers? Why doesn’t he shows himself to me?"



The assasin loves her from afar, always looking at her from afar, following whenever she goes and copying whatever she does. One day, a cop whom so happened to carry a pot of daisies dropped by and asked to be painted a portrait of him. Thinking that her admirer had finally decided to show himself, the girl soon fell in love with the cop thinking he is the one sending her the daisies. Somehow, the cop too fell in love with her and couldn't tell her he wasn't the one she had been searching for. The assasin soon realized the situation.

Of course, in between, there was something tragic that happened which left all 3 of them heartbroken. The girl lost her voice, the cop left the country. (btw, the place they were in is somewhere in Europe, I forgot which country) The assasin then finally showed himself to the girl but had to live in the shadow of the cop.
“I'd built that bridge for you. But I didn’t know that I would be building it for you and him.”




The ending was a sad one. Haha. As you can expect it. But although it is sad, it's not entirely a bad ending as well because finally, she knew whom was the one she really loves from the beginning. All the time, she had been loving the cop only thinking that he was the assasin. So, his love is finally requited. Yay! Although, not for long. Haha. But still, enough to leave an impact =). When I watched the movie, I really like the assasin as well. Lol. Maybe because when he starts firing his gun, he looks so "yeng". Jkjk. No, maybe because he was trained to kill and yet still has a soft side in him. Lolz.. so lame of me. =.=. But anyhow, I feel that his pain is more significant than the cop's.

It is an art movie but in a way, it is not slow at all. Everything is nicely paced and all emotions are beautifully captured. You could almost feel the pain the characters were going through. The assasin was played by Jeong Woo Sung from "A moment to Remember". The cop? Aiks... cannot remember his name le.. >< The cinematography was breathtaking as the setting was somewhere in Europe. Andrew Lau never fails to impress again and of course Jeon Ji Hyun as well. But not everyone is a fan of art films. But in my opinion, this is one of the good movies that should be recommended. It really is beautiful =). Below is the trailer.

Teenage Dream

I think you're pretty
Without any make-up on
I think you're funny
When I tell the punch line wrong
I knew you got me
When you let your walls come down
Down...

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my Valentine,
Valentine...

Let's just talk all through the night
There's no need to rush
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

When you're around me
Life's like a movie scene
I wasn't happy until you became my queen
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's just talk all through the night
There's no need to rush
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
If that's what you need
In this Teenage Dream tonight
Let you rest your head on me
If that's what you need
In this Teenage Dream tonight
Toninght,tonight,tonight,
Tonight,tonight,tonight

Yoooouuu...
You make me
Feel like
I'm livin' a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back
No...

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
If that's what you need
In this Teenage Dream tonight
Let you rest your head on me
If that's what you need
In this Teenage Dream tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight



I think that this version is so much better =)

Hello twenties~

Hm.. how it feels like being 20? haha. I dunno. To me, feels the same. Probably a year older and hopefully wiser. hehe.

Honestly, this year is the most happening and best celebration I had. Usually, every year, I would be happy enough to receive sms-es wishing me happy birthday and I would be busy replying those messages. The thought of my friends remembering and sparing extra time to wish over a small sms already means a lot to me.

But, this year, is really the first time I had such wonderful experience. At first, it was the surprise that my sister gave me which was the handmade cupcakes. It was so nice of her to custom made it with purple and other features that resembles me or used to resemble me. lol. Then, it was cell group that celebrated for me my birthday in sharing together with my buddy, Grace. This was really amazing because first of all, I'm not a christian and I'm only new there and yet they treated me like their own.

So, I thought that's the end of it. 2 cakes should be enough. But there was one final surprise which was the sweetest one. Still makes me smile thinking about it. Haha. In a nutshell, it was planned quite perfectly to make me not aware.

To summarize, I'm just very thankful for all the efforts. The cakes, the gift, the wishes, the thoughts, really makes me a happy 20 year old (what should I call myself... girl, lady, woman? never mind ) 1st year medical student.

I can't really remember what I wished but generally the kind of wishes most people would wish for. Well now, my special day is over. lol. Time really pass us by very fast. Something I've been trying very hard to learn, is to live in the present and really appreciating every moment. So, all the best everyone in studies and stay happy. Hopefully my wishes come true as well. Bye

Chasing Pirates

In your message you said, you were goin' to bed, but I'm not done with the night.
So I stayed up and read, but your words in my head, got me mixed up so I turned out the light.

And I, don't know how, to slow it down.
My mind's racing from chasing pirates.

Well the man in there swings while the silliest things, floppin around in my brain.
And I try not to dream but them possible schemes, swim around, wanna drown me in synch.

And I, don't know how, to slow it down.
Oh my mind's racing from chasing pirates.

Holiday~

These 2 months passed really fast. haha. Block 1 has ended. Aiks.. I thought yesterday was my orientation. hehe. Anyway, I'm glad my flight this time has no 'spaceshot' effects. I had lunch with my buddy and his gal. Later on, they fetched me to the airport. Then, I met Daphenie while checking in. But the amazing thing is, I was seated next to a 3rd year senior coming back from Sibu. Then I found out she is actually my 3rd year buddy's roommate. haha. We are connected. hehe.

Aiya, today is Monday already. Still nothing productive except being a pig. Tomorrow will get more important things done =)

Block 2 won't be so kind to us anymore according to most seniors =(

Anyway, I've been looking for this song for months. haha. Finally, I found it. =)

Live today

I don't know what is wrong with my attitude or perseverance or strength. I was unhappy due to certain instances which were actually very minimal. Just the thought of me being so easily affected is so disappointing. At that time, I suddenly felt like I needed to see a friendly face. So, I went over to a friend's apartment. Then, I dunno if it's by chance or just my stupid imagination, I actually stumbled upon this quote on her wall. haha. It says:

"There are two eternities that can really break you down. Yesterday and tomorrow. One is gone, and the other doesn't exist... So live today."

Then it really hit me. I was so easily affected because most of the time, I am always living the 'yesterdays' or the 'tomorrows'. Very rarely, I enjoy the exact moment now. I think what I'm trying to learn is we can't undo the past nor can we plan what will happen in the future. The most important thing is to just live in the present and enjoy the moment whether it is good or bad.

EOB block 1 is actually this coming thursday and I can honestly say I'm barely 50% prepared. The thought of it just now almost made me crazy but then, I remembered a piano story a wise person told me a year ago. What is the story about? haha. To summarize, the moral of the story is just to tell us despite what little time or resources we have left, as long as we proceed and never stop, it will be a warm sunshine in winter. =)

Of course, I am reminded of how lucky we are to have really helpful seniors that readily explained any of our bombarded questions. One of them can be seen giving "lecture" most of the time. haha.

Good luck and jia you my friends! =)

Happiness

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another, and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it. -James Barrie

I want to convey how beautiful it is to close your eyes and dream. And then to open them and make that dream a reality. -Sean Combs (Puff Daddy)

You may be whatever you resolve to be. Determine to be something in the world, and you will be something. "I cannot," never accomplished anything; "I will try," has wrought wonders. -J. Hawes

Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances.

To be truly happy is a question of how we begin and not of how we end, of what we want and not of what we have

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play, and to look up at the stars.

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.

Somewhere there must be one made for this soul, to move it.

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.

It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses.

Let no one who loves be unhappy... even love unreturned has its rainbow.

Happiness sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

Planning for happiness is rarely successful. Happiness just happens.

The best things in life aren’t things.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.

When we keep looking on the other side of the fence, we step on the flowers on our side.

All of us have been dying, hour by hour, since the moment we were born. Realizing this, let all things be placed in their proper perspective. . . . Remember, it is always later than you think.

And I leave you now, not with sadness but with satisfaction and joy that we came together and walked, arm in arm, through this brief moment of eternity. Who could ask for more?

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow

The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.

You never lose by loving. You always lost by holding back.

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.

Dreams reality?

When I was small, I used to confuse between dreams and reality. Often, I mistook dreams for reality. I think this inability of mine to distingush between these 2 elements caused me to be delusional every now and then.

Sometimes, we will find that we are deviating from our real purpose and get lost in the process. ( or maybe it's just me. kakaka ) When that happens, the harsh truth will always be better than a white lie in the pretense of a noble act in order to not hurt our feelings. The truth no matter how cruel it is will stop us from getting further lost. It will help to bring us back to the right tracks and our original goals. Then from there, we can reflect and try to improve.

I had been sleeping for quite some time. It is time to wake up. The slap on the face really helps. I really needed that. Thank you very much.

So now back in reality, it is time to be productive! =)

Fleeting moment

"Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains; another, a moonlit beach; a third, a family dinner of pot roast and sweet potatoes during a myrtle-mad August in a Midwestern town. Smells detonate softly in our memory like poignant land mines hidden under the weedy mass of years. Hit a tripwire of smell and memories explode all at once. A complex vision leaps out of the undergrowth." ~Diane Ackerman, A Natural History of the Senses


I encountered this quote and found how true it is. I am sure most of the time, we will have trouble remembering something we had seen. What we see, we will inevitably forget but smell on the other hand is a much more significant aspect. The same scent which once accompanied us during childhood can bring so much nostalgia. Somehow, being exposed to the same type of scent brought us down memory lane and we felt as though we were experiencing the same moment again. It is as though a part of our brain has been unclogged. I love such moments. haha. It brings a really warm feeling.

Take my experience for example, I used to spray a strawberry scented mist on my hands before walking to tuition way back when I was young. The smell is somehow very strong that my dad often complained too frequently. Now, when I happen to spray the mist, I will somehow remember how I used to walk from home to the tuition place. Okay, this is a very lame example.

There are actually a lot of other occurences. The scent of papaya body butter from The Body Shop will always make me rememeber about Korea. Happy times happy times~

So, perhaps in years to come, certain smell can somehow trigger part of my brain to remember fleeting moments for instance, how clumsy my roommate is. ( She has not found my blog ) Just in case she finds it: perhaps in years to come, certain smell can make me remember how cute my roommate is. ( This is honest opinion )

Okay, just want to share an article I read from the star online about fleeting moments. It is not related to sense of smell. haha. Just click on the link below =)


Fleeting moments

Malam Kebudayaan MAP

This is the video of the cheers which our medical/nursing faculty of 2010/2011 won. Okay, maybe the video wasn't really clear but on the real day, we really really damn "bersemangat"



the following is our dance.(I didn't put the first 9 minutes. the video is too long and coincidentally it is broken into two parts. So, nvm la,I'll just display part 2 which is the fan dancing. lol) Anyway, it is quite messy and uncoordinated. We practised last minute and I for one, made several mistakes. haih.. but nvmla. Nobody seems to notice.

Buddy Night

This week is another week of orientation but it is by our 2nd year seniors. Okay, before that, I realized I'm extremely dumb for not bringing a camera with me all the way to Sarawak. There were so many beautiful sceneries to capture especially in the main campus. Now, they can only reside in my memory. ( I have a bad memory ) Anyway, this will be a very long and lengthy post as I wanna summarize (blab) about my two weeks' orientations.

Anyway, the system goes like this. It is a culture ( or maybe a custom, I'm not sure ) to have a buddy or better known as a senior that will guide the juniors in going through their university lives. So, the juniors will be given clues to find their respective buddies in a given duration. And punishment ( minor ones la ) will be incurred towards those who failed to find their respective buddies within the given time. So, everyone must be initiative lah. Tonight which was the buddy night will mark the end of our orientation and it is also an event where we can chat and get to know our buddies better. In order words, bonding between buddies.

I'm one of the lucky ones to have a very nice and helpful buddy. Happy~ :D Initially, most of us will be pretty envious whenever we saw our friends receiving notes from their buddies which made us wonder, "where is my buddy?". Okay, enough elaboration on that. So, for buddy night, my group was given the theme "akon". Honestly, we are absolutely clueless on what to perform as not only we are not naturally born dancers but we have no idea about hip hop dance as well. So, basically we just divided ourselves into groups and each group will discuss and come out with their own dance moves.

I'm really amazed by other group's performaces. They performed so extremely well that I feel so inferior and afraid to performe my own in front of them. I would say one of the biggest contribution to their excellence is their team work. Anyway, winning or losing doesn't matter. The most important thing is we've given our best and had fun. ( Okay, obviously I say that because I'm not one of the winners. Nothing new la since losing is something I'm very accustomed to. ) So, to others that probably feel quite bad, don't be as the highlight of the day is to learn and have fun. :)

The orientation by our 2nd year seniors are a very brief one as we had to combine with our lectures as well. And today is the first time I had mud, egg and flour splashed onto my face. I was speechless and dumbfounded for a few seconds when I found myself covered with mud, egg and flour. Most of the games were really fun especially the ones involving water. The nicest seniors that conducted the station games are the ones involving the blowing of candles. They are so thoughtful. lol.

Anyway, last week was our MAP. It was an orientation handled by seniors from Kota samarahan. Initially, I was sad with all the lack of sleep and home sickness. But I came to realize it was actually one the happiest and most fun moments in my life. (I lead a boring life. Experiencing such things made me a very jakun person) The LOs (Liason Officer) are extremely nice and helpful. They treated us like their own siblings. That's when I knew they really went through a lot of trouble to plan the activities to make our orientation a fun week. I am still missing them and the events that took place during the first week. It is a disappointment as they are so far from us now. As for our faculty seniors, we can still see them most of the time. Don't wanna see also will see. Oh yeah, probably will miss our 2nd year seniors when they go to Sibu for their 3rd year.

Okay, being a considerate roommate, I shall end here as I am leaving the lights on while my roommate is sleeping. Sigh, I'm so lucky too to have a tolerant and nice roommate. Also, she can sleep like a pig. So, it is definitely a plus for me whenever I need to leave the lights on for my own convenience. But I should stop torturing her for now. I'll post the video of our cheers which we won during MAP. Goodnight

Who moved my cheese

If I can wish for one thing now, I wish that all good things will come to NO end. But that's only wistful thinking. Over the past years, I've always had difficulties coping with changes. Specifically changes that involved the end of happy moments in my life. Memories to me are not enough. I'm so greedy that I want to hold on and saviour every bits of them. Having experienced such happiness and to lose it is not something I can handle very well. It's so saddening to feel so happy and yet knowing it will one day be over.

Whenever subjected to such situations, I had been so complacent and comfortable that when it's gone, I will have trouble finding myself back to reality. I'm not talking about one type of happiness. How good it will be if I'm only affected by one type of happiness. But I'm affected by all kinds of happiness that after every happiness, there will be a phase of sadness and longing.

I guess the slogan "carpe diem" will be of better help for me to cope with such situations. I'm sure there will be much more happy moments in my life in the future and when that happens, I'll hold on to the principle of "carpe diem" and when everything is over, I'll have no more longing and regrets. It'll just be an extra part of my sweet memory and hopefully, reminiscing about it will make me smile without causing any heartache.

My very first post

Being away from home and in a new foreign place (though I am still in the same country =.=) , somehow made me decide to open up a blog. The truth is, I am always talking to myself silently all the time and expressing my own thoughts to myself. Now finally being so far from home ( again, the word "far" is relative ) , the desire to reach out is overwhelming that I've decided to create a blog. So, here goes. My very first post :)

Just few weeks back, I was adamant that there is absolutely no way I'm accepting this offer. In fact, I spoke like I've known everything in the world. So confidently and arrogant. But somehow, God is there is guide and lead me. And of course I have lovely and supportive parents that will do everything in their will to make me happy. At that time, when I saw the word medicine, I was so afraid. I felt medicine is a disease that is going to suck the life out of me. Medicine is going to make me suicidal and unhappy for the rest of my life. Medicine is going to steal all the fun and joy that is yet to come.

But the truth is, I don't know anything yet for sure. If you ask me, can I handle medicine? I would say I like medicine, I like hospitals, I like taking care of people. BUT do I have the capabilites? Do I have what it takes? I don't have a strong personality. I am not courageous. I'm not very smooth with people. I have too many other unsuitable traits that it is too long to list them all. It just made me so skeptical that I was afraid. Someone once asked me, what do I want to achieve in life. All I could think of was "I just want to be happy." Don't we all?

So, not knowing anything and yet trying to act like I know everything, I set my heart out to appeal for the nearest Uni with the course which I wasn't selected for. I prayed to God asking Him to fulfil my wish. I even told a friend of mine that I have a feeling I will get it. LOL.

So, I told my friends and family that I'd rather go private sector than to do medicine. So, my dad brought me to my uncle hoping he could help me with the appeal. I was pretty disappointed when he didn't know much and even brought me to consult a doctor asking for second opinions. All I could think of at that time was "you're just wasting your time, there is no way I'm accepting the offer."

But here I am, in UNIMAS Sarawak and yes doing medicine course. What I've learnt is not all of us know what we want in life. We don't even know what it is that will make us happy. I belong in the clueless category. Til now, I don't really know myself fully. I see it now. That night, my uncle went through all the hassle in bringing me to see a doctor for second opinions so that I can have a clearer picture of the course before rejecting a disappointment that could be an opportunity in disguise.

Of course it is a damn tough course that requires so much work and persistence. I know there will be ups and downs along the way. ( Probably more downs ) But if I put my heart to it and take the initiative to change my shitty attitude, I belive it will be rewarding. I can't confirm anything yet for now. So with this blog, I hope to share my ups and down along this journey of self discovery. Goodnight