As said before, I will be sharing my ups and downs. But now looking back, it seems like there are more downs than ups. Or was it I was too lazy to share any ups. At this moment now, the only word to describe my feelings is helplessness. So much sadness and hurt. I feel so defeated. In earlier posts, I mentioned about needs without expectation. It seems like bullshit to me now. haha. I'm not superhuman. It's always so easy to say. But when you wanna put it to practice? Haha... that's when the problem comes. Very hard to accept the fact. So painful to embrace reality. One fall after another. Haha. Like it's cursed. Forever out of reach. So pathethic I guess. Can't get rid of the sudden hurt overnight. Dunno, just want to be a normal person tonight and cry.