Being away from home and in a new foreign place (though I am still in the same country =.=) , somehow made me decide to open up a blog. The truth is, I am always talking to myself silently all the time and expressing my own thoughts to myself. Now finally being so far from home ( again, the word "far" is relative ) , the desire to reach out is overwhelming that I've decided to create a blog. So, here goes. My very first post :)
Just few weeks back, I was adamant that there is absolutely no way I'm accepting this offer. In fact, I spoke like I've known everything in the world. So confidently and arrogant. But somehow, God is there is guide and lead me. And of course I have lovely and supportive parents that will do everything in their will to make me happy. At that time, when I saw the word medicine, I was so afraid. I felt medicine is a disease that is going to suck the life out of me. Medicine is going to make me suicidal and unhappy for the rest of my life. Medicine is going to steal all the fun and joy that is yet to come.
But the truth is, I don't know anything yet for sure. If you ask me, can I handle medicine? I would say I like medicine, I like hospitals, I like taking care of people. BUT do I have the capabilites? Do I have what it takes? I don't have a strong personality. I am not courageous. I'm not very smooth with people. I have too many other unsuitable traits that it is too long to list them all. It just made me so skeptical that I was afraid. Someone once asked me, what do I want to achieve in life. All I could think of was "I just want to be happy." Don't we all?
So, not knowing anything and yet trying to act like I know everything, I set my heart out to appeal for the nearest Uni with the course which I wasn't selected for. I prayed to God asking Him to fulfil my wish. I even told a friend of mine that I have a feeling I will get it. LOL.
So, I told my friends and family that I'd rather go private sector than to do medicine. So, my dad brought me to my uncle hoping he could help me with the appeal. I was pretty disappointed when he didn't know much and even brought me to consult a doctor asking for second opinions. All I could think of at that time was "you're just wasting your time, there is no way I'm accepting the offer."
But here I am, in UNIMAS Sarawak and yes doing medicine course. What I've learnt is not all of us know what we want in life. We don't even know what it is that will make us happy. I belong in the clueless category. Til now, I don't really know myself fully. I see it now. That night, my uncle went through all the hassle in bringing me to see a doctor for second opinions so that I can have a clearer picture of the course before rejecting a disappointment that could be an opportunity in disguise.
Of course it is a damn tough course that requires so much work and persistence. I know there will be ups and downs along the way. ( Probably more downs ) But if I put my heart to it and take the initiative to change my shitty attitude, I belive it will be rewarding. I can't confirm anything yet for now. So with this blog, I hope to share my ups and down along this journey of self discovery. Goodnight
Hey there~ I was kinda in the same situation when I first came here haha. But you're better than me, you came alone right? My mum accompanied me here.
ReplyDeleteAs years went by and I thought about it, I actually didn't have a real reason why I chose to study medicine. But then, throughout these years I had gained some reasons to do it, and do it well.
A doctor once told my group that, whatever the reason we had for coming here, we should treat it as a "calling" to do medicine.
Yes, medicine is tough. But no matter what course you are taking, you'd still have to work hard for it right? I was kinda sad when I found out how little holiday there was in this course. Yup, I was the type who loves holidays and playing. Didn't know what I was getting myself into when I applied for the course. Haha. Clueless. Gotta change though. Haha. Now I've got some good reasons to keep going. It won't be that bad, if you like it. =)
You can do it, you just gotta be optimistic and believe in yourself. You'll have friends here to support you too. Don't give up! ;)
thank you! =)
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