Dancing in the moonlight

Loving someone equals to suffering. Being loved equals to happiness. Is it true? Lol. That statement was stated to me few years back which didn’t knock any sense in me at that time. Our young lives, we all dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if there is someone out there searching for us just as how we are searching for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. Back to the statement, I think loving someone will only be suffering if it's an unrequited one. Haha. And depending on the level of expectations one holds. Being loved not necessarily can make one happy. Being loved by someone that will not make you reciprocate equals to helplessness. It only takes two to be happy.

To make it clear, though I might be in one of the two unfortunate situations, I will still not feel any suffering. Because being able to feel at least makes me alive and human. I still feel cherished no matter what. A very beautiful message I've read somewhere, "Love those in your life without expectations. Accept them as they are and take what they want to give without judgement."

Haha. =D

To plan or be planned... lol.

The very famous quote, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail". I suppose that would apply to our studies, works, and something technical. True enough, if we don't plan our timetable well or allocate proper time for serious works to be done, we are definitely asking for trouble. I'm someone who plans a lot and yet troubles still come running after me. This is because I always plan for the wrong reasons. Haha.

Last Saturday, I was at church camp in Lundu and in one of the sharing sessions, it was brought up that we don't have to do anything or plan anything. We just have to walk the paths planned by God. God has already planned a beautiful journey for each and everyone of us. Haha... at that time, hearing that made me doubt the truth in the statement. It made me wonder how I can walk this life blindly without any visions? Haha. But I think I'm beginning to see the truth in the statement now.

The above statement revealed by Aunty Mei Ling is from the religious point of view. But if we look at the non religious point of view, the message is actually the same. I'm sure most are aware of the book, "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. The 'secret' had actually been practised by many great world leaders long long time ago. Adolf Hitler was said to have used this concept as well. Haha. So, what is the 'secret'? In the book, it taught us how to get what we want from life. It's so simple and easy which involves only 3 simple steps.

The 1st step is to choose what we want from life. It is just like the analogy of picking an item from a catalogue or food from a menu. Haha. The 2nd step is to believe that we will receive what we chose in the 1st step. Finally, the 3rd step is receive. You only have to wait and receive what you chose. It is said the universe will works in way and will grant us what we want. We just have to be aligned with the universe.

Sounds easy right? But the catch is most people would already fail in the 2nd step. Once you fail this step, you cannot proceed to the 3rd step and this results in you not being able to achieve what you want from life. I know the believing part is not easy. Haha. It's human nature to doubt and hesitate. It sounds too simple that we asked ourselves, "Is this really going to work? Just by 3 steps and not doing anything, how the hell can our goals be achieved?" But miraciously, cancer patients not receiving any medical treatment actually recovered from their illness just by believing they are healthy and cancer-free. Okay, there are a few important pointers in each step.

The 1st step which is choosing, we only have to choose once. We don't have to keep thinking about it, keep wishing about, keep hoping about it. We only have to choose once and just leave it at there. The 2nd step, believe means BELIEVE. Haha. I don't know any pointer for this as me myself always fail at this step too. The 3rd step is just simple, just wait and it will come to us. Now, I am beginning to see the truth in the statement revealed during the sharing because we all come to this world having our respective goals and desires. Even if we don't reveal them, we've somehow unintentionally planted it out to the universe. Once, we've set our goals, we don't have to keep worrying or thinking or expect anything from them. We just carry on with our lives, do what is right, continue doing the right thing (align ourselves with the universe), the universe somehow will work in ways we can never imagine to grant us with what we want. We don't have to keep pondering when will the day come. Just let go, live life and enjoy the present. That is why Aunty Mei Ling said, "Don't keep planning. God has already planned a beautiful path for you. All you need to do is just walk the path. As simple as that." I guess the message is God knows our little desires and He has ways of granting them. We don't have to keep planning and expecting things to happen. It will happen somehow, just not how we imagined them to be.

Yes, at times, I plan too much. And expects them to happen according to plan. When expectations aren't met, disappointment comes. Haha. But the most risky of all is when we actually plan something that is not meant to be, we somehow neglect something already planned beautifully for us. Anyway, in a nutshell, Live life, enjoy the present. Always hope but do not expect. And may the "secret" helps in achieving what you want from life! =)
Psstt.. keep believing! Haha.

Must get back on track !

At times like these, I have to admit, I wish I'm at home with my family. I kept hearing people saying "even the most independent individual is homesick". I'm not exactly homesick. I just miss my home. How good it is being in the company of my family, going for dinner every weekend, being able to watch Astro and sleeping on my bed. Lol.

Block 1 made me aware of the pros being here. I'm definitely thankful for all the lovely company I have here. Being far from home is good as well in the sense that we establish a stronger relationship among ourselves. Since most of us are far from home, we somehow grew an affection towards one another, taking care of one another, celebrate events together and a whole lot other amazing things. Being able to experience such moments while in the midst of growing up and discovering ourselves is something very memorable. This is why I really enjoyed block 1. It was like a breath of fresh air to me.

But I'm not saying things are totally the opposite in block 2. It's just that reality really hit me. Given 5 years(hopefully no extensions) here and only 4 weeks of holidays per year, just made me realize I'm going to spend most of my time here without ever seeing my family and spending time with them, and the next thing I know, I would be graduating, working and straying from them already. Haha. I probably think too far. But, I have nothing to complain nor am I in any state of distress. I only just longed to be home, to be able to watch a Saturday night movie, to go for dinners and shopping every weekend, waking up on a Sunday morning in my own room. Those are the things I am yearning for.

Which is why I'm so determined to go through this exam and search through my new block 3 timetable for any free slots to go home on Fridays. Hehe. What's 400 bucks or 500 bucks? No amount of money can even buy such brief moment of eternity of being able to be at home. It's worth it. The Air Asia turbulence, the delay flights, the travel sickness, the packing, the unpacking, the money spent, the time spent... is all worth it.

Back to square one

It's 3.25 am in the morning and I still dunno why I can't sleep. Huhu. Thank God tomorrow is a Sunday. Ops... today already is Sunday officially. Hehe.

Hm, not everyday there will be sunshine. Throughout the 20 years of my life, I realized I spent too much time worrying, having severe insecurities, days of low confidence, fear, etc etc. They are really miserable. Hm, I am really tired of feeling miserable. Maybe is why I find myself unable to sleep tonight. Haha.

Firstly, I am whole, able to see, hear, feel, taste, and speak. I am healthy and in one piece. I have a loving family and great friends, in medical school, JPA money flowing in, caring buddy line. I have God, I have cell group, what more can I ask?

Life is too short to worry unnecessarily. I've come to realize the core of my past dissatisfactions. I am sure everyone has their own expectations in life. Everyone reacts differently when the expectations weren't met. So if we ask ourselves, how will we cope if our expectations aren't met? The answer is, happiness is a choice. It's not a destination. It's about living in the present, appreciating the present moment. So what if we don't get what we want, So what if we are rejected, turned down, and looked like a fool? It doesn't matter. We are still breathing. In a nutshell, even if our expectations aren't met, we still need to see the positive side of things. Life goes on. A famous quote, "when one door of happiness closes, another opens" A simple key, Contribute without expecting. =)

One thing I really learn and ought to practise, do not take ourselves too seriously. Learn to laugh at one's mistakes. It's okay to be silly or a fool. Happiness is not what we are given the most, is what we make the most by what we are given. Again, life is too short. Worry less and be positive. A simple secret to be happy, just be happy. hehe.

So, now what I choose from life? Happiness, Joy, Laughter, Fun and Spontaneity. I choose a happy fruitful and meaningful life. Stay happy everyone. Cheers~ =)

Regrets of the dying

My dad will always share meaningful and inspiring emails with me. Few days back, while checking my mail, I found a really good one. So, I am going to share here as well. =)

The 1st regret: I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


Yup, this is very true. Sometimes, we tend to live up to the expections that others set for us without knowing if that is what really makes us happy. I admit I am one of them. Haha. Hesitations will always be there. But come to think of it, we only have one life, therefore, in years to come, we'll most likely regret the things we didn't do than the silly stupid mistakes we made.

2nd regret: I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


In a nutshell, is ok to slack. hehe.

3rd regret: I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


Hmm, So, to hell with other's feelings =p. No, just kidding. In a way, supressed feelings will only kill us. Most of the time, telling the truth and how you really feel is the way to solve the problem.

4th regret: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


True true. Never neglect or forget old relationships.

5th regret: I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


I second this. Honestly, I think most people had their own insecurities and days of low confidence. =(. We just kept wondering why we aren't good enough. Haiz. If only we are content, we will just be happy. But is only human nature to want more and the things our heart desire though they are not possible at times. So, one of the best ways is to stay true to ourselves, be ourselves and contribute without expecting. That will definitely help =)

"One day your life will flash before your eyes and make sure its worth watching"

Daisy

I still remember watching this movie right after my SPM. At that time, Malaysia is really lucky to have veoh but up until 2008, it was banned. =( I've always been a fan of Jeon Ji Hyun. So, browsing through all the Korean movies, this one caught my eye. And also the fact that Jeon Ji Hyun is the main actress. =) This is not the typical sad love movie. It is very beautifully portrayed by the famous Hong Kong movie director, Andrew Lau Wai Keung. Actually, there are 2 versions. One of them is the Hong Kong version and the other is the international version. I watched the international cut and I've read from some forums that the 2 versions vary considerably but the international cut is much more preferred by many. =)

The theme is love. But... not really. It is about the love triangle between a cop, an assassin and a street painter. Both the cop and assasin fell for the same girl. But somehow, fate has a way of twisting their lives. Daisy first tells the story of how the assasin met the girl and fallen in love with her. Everyday at 4.15 pm, the girl will receive a pot of daisies at her doorstep. But he wouldn't show himself to her. She somehow grew an affection towards her admirer and longed to know who he really is.
"Who is this person who sends me flowers? Why doesn’t he shows himself to me?"



The assasin loves her from afar, always looking at her from afar, following whenever she goes and copying whatever she does. One day, a cop whom so happened to carry a pot of daisies dropped by and asked to be painted a portrait of him. Thinking that her admirer had finally decided to show himself, the girl soon fell in love with the cop thinking he is the one sending her the daisies. Somehow, the cop too fell in love with her and couldn't tell her he wasn't the one she had been searching for. The assasin soon realized the situation.

Of course, in between, there was something tragic that happened which left all 3 of them heartbroken. The girl lost her voice, the cop left the country. (btw, the place they were in is somewhere in Europe, I forgot which country) The assasin then finally showed himself to the girl but had to live in the shadow of the cop.
“I'd built that bridge for you. But I didn’t know that I would be building it for you and him.”




The ending was a sad one. Haha. As you can expect it. But although it is sad, it's not entirely a bad ending as well because finally, she knew whom was the one she really loves from the beginning. All the time, she had been loving the cop only thinking that he was the assasin. So, his love is finally requited. Yay! Although, not for long. Haha. But still, enough to leave an impact =). When I watched the movie, I really like the assasin as well. Lol. Maybe because when he starts firing his gun, he looks so "yeng". Jkjk. No, maybe because he was trained to kill and yet still has a soft side in him. Lolz.. so lame of me. =.=. But anyhow, I feel that his pain is more significant than the cop's.

It is an art movie but in a way, it is not slow at all. Everything is nicely paced and all emotions are beautifully captured. You could almost feel the pain the characters were going through. The assasin was played by Jeong Woo Sung from "A moment to Remember". The cop? Aiks... cannot remember his name le.. >< The cinematography was breathtaking as the setting was somewhere in Europe. Andrew Lau never fails to impress again and of course Jeon Ji Hyun as well. But not everyone is a fan of art films. But in my opinion, this is one of the good movies that should be recommended. It really is beautiful =). Below is the trailer.

Teenage Dream

I think you're pretty
Without any make-up on
I think you're funny
When I tell the punch line wrong
I knew you got me
When you let your walls come down
Down...

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my Valentine,
Valentine...

Let's just talk all through the night
There's no need to rush
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

When you're around me
Life's like a movie scene
I wasn't happy until you became my queen
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's just talk all through the night
There's no need to rush
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
If that's what you need
In this Teenage Dream tonight
Let you rest your head on me
If that's what you need
In this Teenage Dream tonight
Toninght,tonight,tonight,
Tonight,tonight,tonight

Yoooouuu...
You make me
Feel like
I'm livin' a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back
No...

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
If that's what you need
In this Teenage Dream tonight
Let you rest your head on me
If that's what you need
In this Teenage Dream tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight



I think that this version is so much better =)